


Not quite there yet

by Jupe



Series: Sylvix Week 2020 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Feelings, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Time Skip, Sylvix Week 2020 (Fire Emblem)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jupe/pseuds/Jupe
Summary: Felix finds himself reflecting on his feelings for Sylvain.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: Sylvix Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933255
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Not quite there yet

**Author's Note:**

> Oop this was not beta-read because I didn't wanna bother people to do a last minute reading, but I hope it's fine nonetheless

Felix hates dances. He hated them back in Faerghus when his father would drag him to them, and he hates them now at Garreg Mach. Dancing itself isn’t really the problem. He’s the first to admit that the dancing lessons he got when he was younger were great to help his footwork. But he never saw it as anything other than that — A way to improve his sword fighting skills.

He can’t seem to find the appeal in stumbling across the dancefloor and stepping on one anothers’ feet, while countless of equally bad students are doing the same, effectively turning the whole thing into a huge mess. Not to mention that the evening wear is incredibly uncomfortable and Felix wants nothing more than to get out of it.

The worst of all, however, is how both of these factors play into his biggest problem: Sylvain, who seems to have pretty much been born for this outfit, and all the girls that surround him in hopes of getting to dance with him just make Felix sick. They’ve made him sick throughout the entire month, because Sylvain has been training even less than usual, too busy with all the girls asking him in advance to go to the dance with him. To the man’s credit, as far as Felix knows, he has declined every single offer he received, for whatever reason.  
Still, right now Felix watches from one of the quieter corners as Sylvain gets dragged into dance after dance. Pathetic how these girls still throw themselves at Sylvain, even after several months of him breaking hearts and messing around with everyone he could get his hands on.

Felix’s thoughts are interrupted by a firm tug on his sleeve. He turns around and is met with a pair of bright blue eyes and the widest smile humanly possible.

“You don’t plan on just hiding away in a corner this whole evening, do you?”, Annette asks in her usual chipper tone. Felix raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms.

“Actually, that is exactly what I was hoping to do.” Annette frowns at his response.

“Come on, Felix! How often do you get to participate in a dance as amazing as this?”

“Too often.” Felix scoffs. He really can’t share Annette’s enthusiasm.

“Are you at least gonna dance with me before you return to sulking in your corner?” Felix wants to say no. He really does. But Annette beams at him with that sparkle in her eyes and _damn it, fine_. With a grunt Felix grabs Annette’s hand and pulls her on the dancefloor. He may have tugged a little too harshly, but Annette doesn’t seem to mind. She’s too busy cheering over her small victory.

Felix still doesn’t like dancing here, in between so many other students, where he has to be careful not to run into anyone. Every time someone accidentally bumps against him, he shoots them a glare, but Annette always squeezes his hand, gently shaking her head, and he just has to pull himself together. At the very least she seems to be having some fun. Annette seems to completely forget about the people around her, just swaying along to the music with a wide smile. For a short moment Felix almost feels something like enjoyment himself, but then the song ends and he takes the opportunity to exit the dancefloor as fast as possible.

Annette follows with a giggle. “Thanks, that was fun!”, she exclaims, cheerful as always.

“Whatever”, Felix sighs, but he can’t suppress a little smile creeping up. Then his eyes fall on Sylvain again, who is dancing with yet another a girl — A short brunette that smiles up at him like he was sent here by the Goddess herself, and there it is again, the familiar tug deep in his stomach that’s been there for weeks now, every time he saw Sylvain still being too busy to train with him.

Annette finds Mercedes shortly after, so Felix leaves the two alone and makes a beeline to the door. He needs to go outside and clear his head, far away from the bustling halls of Garreg Mach.

The night air is cool on his skin, a gentle breeze tussling his hair. Felix sits on one of the benches in the courtyard and rests his head in his hands. He closes his eyes and just concentrates on how silent it is right here. Maybe that’ll make the weird feelings go away.

Maybe. Proably not. They’ve been there for a while now, and the more Felix tries to ignore them, the worse they get. As much as he likes to pretend he has no idea what they mean, he’s not stupid. He wouldn’t know from experience, because he’s never felt like that before, but against what people like to believe, he does pay close attention to those around him.

He knows the signs, has seen them on others before.The gentle smile on Ingrid’s lips that she doesn’t even notice, appearing whenever someone does as much as mention Dorothea. The twinge of panic coming up in Annette’s voice when they’re on the battlefield and an enemy gets too close to Mercedes. They’re things he notices in himself as well — Always in relation to Sylvain.

If he’s being entirely honest with himself, he even knows why he feels the way he does when he sees Sylvain with a girl. It’s the same as when they were kids and Sylvain would be too busy reading to play with him, or when he’d agree to team up with Ingrid rather than him when they played games as children. It’s jealousy. Felix has always been quick to get jealous over Sylvain. It’s just a different form of it now that all those other feelings come on top.

“Oh, what am I doing?”, he mumbles to himself. It’s stupid, having these feelings for Sylvain. Fruitless. It’s abundantly clear to him that Sylvain sees him as nothing more than an old friend. And why would it change?

Felix’s throat grows tight, his chest hurts, and all he can think is that this is exactly why he keeps people at arm’s length. Exactly why he built these walls and keeps his feelings tucked away at all costs. Really, how do people get through life being emotional like this? It only gets in the way.

“There you are!”, a voice calls. _Oh no. Not him. Not now._ Felix glances up.

“What are you doing here?”, he asks through gritted teeth. Sylvain grins and shrugs.

“I saw you leave earlier, and figured you’re probably not sneaking to the goddess tower with a girl or something like that, so I thought maybe you’re just taking a short break. But it’s been quite a while, and I just wanted to make sure you’re fine.” Damn him. Damn him for trying to break down Felix’s walls and _succeeding_ without putting any effort into it. Felix won’t allow it this time.

“Well, I’m fine. You can go back inside now.”

Sylvain hums in agreement, but sinks down next to Felix. “What are you even doing out here, all alone?”, he asks. His voice doesn’t have the usual overly cheerful and confident ring to it. It’s calm and soft, somewhat content. It’s the way Sylvain always talks when it’s just Felix and him, the way he never talks to any of his girl adventures. Felix sees this as a small triumph. Small, but just enough to take some of his anger away.

“I just needed to sort through some stuff. That’s easier out here”, he replies after a while, avoiding eye contact. 

Sylvain nudges him with his elbow. “Some stuff about you and Annette?”

“Wha- No! What gave you that idea?”

“I saw you guys dancing. She seemed pretty happy.” Sylvain chuckles, but it’s not the real kind. Felix glances over at him, and his eyes look somewhat grim, even though his lips try to form a tight smile. Well, that expression is new.

“Yeah, because she coerced me into dancing. Seriously, I’m not interested in Annette like that. Why would you even think that?”

Sylvain shrugs and his face relaxes a bit. “Guess I was just reading too much into it, huh?”

“Yes, you were.”

“Sorry.”

There’s a pause where neither of them seem to know what to say. Sylvain is squinting up at the night sky, Felix is staring holes into his shoes. Maybe if he’d had just a bit more time to sort through his emotions, or just a bit more courage to just speak his mind, he could find a way to express how he feels. But emotions are complicated, and words aren’t exactly Felix’s strongpoint, so instead he keeps his mouth shut, making a quiet promise to himself that someday he will tell Sylvain.

“So… It’s getting kinda cold”, Sylvain notes before clearing his throat. Felix nods, but doesn’t reply. “We should head back inside.” Right. There’s probably still some girls waiting. Felix expects Sylvain to add something like that, but instead the other just turns to him with the same crooked smile he always had when they came up with some silly way to cause trouble as kids. “We should sneak into the dining hall and see if there’s some food left. I bet there’s no one there to kick us out right now.”

Felix chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re most definitely gonna get us in trouble, Sylvain.”

Still, he doesn’t hesitate to follow as Sylvain gets up, offering a hand to help him get up.  
Felix may not be able to express his feelings just yet, but maybe he doesn’t have to. Maybe this is enough for now.


End file.
